Dr Grordbort Presents: The Deadliest Game

Yes my fine friends here it is at last. The latest little film what I wrote. Directed by the very clever (and charming) James Cunningham and brought to life by his splendid team at MDS. Featuring the stiff upper lip of Lord Geoff Houtman, the can-do-attitude of Mr Simon McKinney and the undeniable charms of Missy Morgana Le Fay O'Reilly. Based in the fantastical world (and diseased mind) of Greg Broadmore.    Hold onto your plus fours it's going to be a wild ride...

The First Cut Is The Sweetest...

I literally don't know how to start telling you this but what I can say is that I'm extremely excited.

In my mad quest to learn how to build my clocks I'm always finding out something new and exciting. I've taught myself how to build, repair and design clocks. I've learnt a lot about the history of cuckoo clocks. I've also learnt how to make molds and build extremely complicated electronic projects. 

But recently I've branched out into a very exciting new on-line movement. 

I've joined Ponoko. 

The best way I can think how to describe these guys is that they're an on-line factory. You send them your designs - they fabricate them for you and send them back. What I'm about to show you is my first stumbling steps into constructing laser-cut acrylic sheets. 

I designed my test sheet in Inkscape; an open-source free application that allows you to do all sorts of fun stuff. Luckily I've had my genius cousin - Monkey - to lend a guiding hand and show me the wild and wonderful ways of Inkscape. Once you've got the hang of it I must say it's a very clever and highly addictive piece of software. 

Anyway I signed up for Ponoko and sent a project off to them. It was a fairly straight forward laser-cut piece of MDF. I'll say I was very impressed by the results. However that's a very top-secret project that I'm not ready to share with you yet.

The next project was a black acrylic sheet. I went crazy with it trying all manner of designs - from laser cut birds to the very first fledgling designs for boxes and a cuckoo clock shape. 

On the whole, these proved to be something of a failure but I have learnt a great deal about how to get it right next time! 

So here's the story of my test sheet. First off I downloaded my design to the Ponoko site. It took a few goes as my design kept being rejected, however, this was simply because I didn't read the instructions properly and hadn't formatted my design correctly. It's actually pretty straight-forward once you get the hang of it. Different coloured lines and fills will create different results - from a straight cut through the material to engraving. 

Once my design was downloaded the team were very helpful sending me emails to show me what I'd done wrong and how to fix it. They were a joy to deal this. Quick, to-the-point and extremely supportive.

Finally, after about four days, my designs arrived.

 

Yippee! You bet. The dents and scratches were courtesy of NZ Post (thanks guys) but thankfully Ponoko's carefully packaging meant everything inside was nice and safe.

I really wish I had taken a picture of it all still in place but I was so excited that I quickly started getting it all out and began fiddling with it. 

The bits are all held in place by a big sheet of sticky stuff that ensures nothing moves around while it's being shipped. The scorching you see is the result of the laser hard at work. Thankfully this is the paper covering that's burnt not the acrylic. The paper simply peels straight off and under it the lovely black acrylic is all beautiful, glossy, black perfection. 

  

Here I engraved the shape of the letters into the box to act as guide for mounting letters inside. As you can see here the little black "A" slots in nicely. Then a tiny pin-prick of super-glue ensures the letters sit tight. I must say I was impressed by how quickly and solidly the acrylic sets when bonded with super glue. Rock solid with just a few drops. Which leaves little room for error. Or clumsy fingers. 

This was one of the many theories I tested with this sheet and may I say it worked perfectly! The little box I built around this was less successful in it's design, but now I know how to do it better next time! Still it came out okay. Rather sweet in it's way. 

The same theory worked just as well with my clock shell design. I just slotted a little bird shape straight in.

The roof and floor of this turned out to be a terrible failure but still I learnt a lot. Mostly about measuring my lines more accurately. Now you'll probably notice the white "Wood of Kings" writing under the bird and the birds "X" eye. This effect was so easy to achieve thanks to the paper that covers the acrylic when it first arrives. The laser engraving burns away the paper leaving a perfect stencil around the engraved hole. I simply just painted over the hole and then, when the paint dried, I just pulled away the paper. A perfect fill every time. 

You'll see the old "Wood of Kings" turning up there in the corner again. I styled this after the iconic Holden "Kingswood" logo. which I again engraved and painted in. 

As I said just peel the paper away for a perfect result. 

I also cut out a whole series of little birds to test different cuts, size and levels of engraving. Individually they all turned out as charming little pieces that I might use elsewhere or give away to a few deserving chums. 

I'm so happy with these results and excited about what I'm going to do next. As always - watch this space. 

Guns. Guns. Guns.

Hello all.

I've become a little bit fascinated by my blogs stats recently. I get a lot of visits but why are people stopping by?

The post that generates the most hits on my blog is this little chap I put together a while ago where I built a working gun out of lego. I'm sure this has me on some kind of watch list. You can read it here: HARD AS BRICKS.

And the one thing on my blog that generates the most amount of hits? This image right here:

Yep the old desert eagle. And here's an overview of my blogs most recent stats:

Almost 20 thousand visits. Not bad but are most of them are visiting to read either about the brick gun or stare with cold, dead eyes at the image of the desert eagle?

And where are most of my audience coming from? Lets have a look at the map shall we? The green bits will tell you where most of them are visiting the old  Wood of Kings from.

Now as you all know I love the Americans they're like these wonderful big kids. They're fun, exciting and a little bit dangerous. But I still like them. So I'm glad they're tuning in. But I'd really like to know why.

Is it just the guns? By the look of my stats that's what it is. I'm not much of a gun nut so I'd like to know if they're sticking around for the other stuff as well. My clocks. My musings about the film industry. And my drunken adventures. 

Are you my American friends? I'd love to hear from you. Do you like the smell of what I'm shoveling here at The Wood of Kings? What would you like to see more of? Less of? 

Of course this invitation also extends to my lovely regulars and visitors from around the world. What can I do for you? I live to serve after all. 

Oh, and just to make sure you do stop in here's some pictures of some more guns.

Please leave a message so the CIA can track you... Come on you know you want to.

The Playground of the Damned

For my last drive up to Auckland I decided a change of scenery was in order. So I drove through Whanganui. If as a child you visited this strange riverside hamlet you'll no doubt remember the playground here. I have fond memories of it as an exciting, garish and wonderfully surreal place so I thought I'd see if it still lived up to those memories.

The answer is yes and no. This playground has stayed locked in a weird seventies time warp. Elements and perception have not been kind. Again dip into your memories and recall a unsettling British horror film called "Village of the Damned" a small English town becomes home to creepy other-worldly children. This playground is - no doubt - the place these children would go to play.

Anyway enough background.  and just invite you to take a tour around THE PLAYGROUND OF THE DAMNED...

Our tour begins with a very mournful whale. "Please children play in my mouth. I'm so very, very hungry."

A disturbingly phallic snake. 

This one will give my friend Cal nightmares. An octopus that lures children in with the promise of fun swings only to trap them in its tentacles.  

Gaze upon the face of true evil. 

Notice the child's jacket lying on the swing. But no sign of children anywhere.

A saw lots of children go into these tunnels but none came out. 

This is the barbecue area. Inside a big pumpkin for some reason. There was also the faint smell of gas. 

There was an old woman who lived in a shoe. Who had so many children she didn't know what to do.

So she threw them all into a the dark pit of despair.

Then there's Humpty Dumpty possibly the most terrifying thing in the whole playground.

Then there's the three bears.

On closer inspection you'll see that Papa Bear is a card-carrying Nazi.

This sad creature is supposed to be Little Miss Muffet. Not a spider in sight. I suspect it was inside her. Laying eggs in her brain.

Then there's something all kids love. A severed Orca head.

And Unhappy Feet.

With some recently clubbed seals.

A terrifying dinosaur slide.

Just look at its mouth. And again note the distinct absence of children at this playground.

Of course you can't have a dinosaur without a caveman. And here's Fred Flintstone's retarded brother.

Looks like he's been into the yabba-dabba...

 Fred's here so where's Barney? Where indeed. Just look at this sorrowful creature. Tell us Barney what did they do to you in prison?

But the fun doesn't stop here. There's a castle for medieval make believe. Hey look every one's dead from the plague!  

An a very dangerous looking pirate ship. Which rejoiced in the name The Jolly Daybreaker for reasons unknown. 

And finally a dolphin filled with concrete and mounted. Swimming with the dolphins is overrated. What you want to do is ride them like a jockey!

After a hard day putting your children in harms way no doubt you'll be hungry. So why not try the Curbside Cafe? I can recommend the salmonella.

Why is "hot" in inverted commas? And what on earth is ECT?

 If you're wanting to visit the Playground of the Damned you can stay at the illustriously appointed Avoca Hotel which is just down the road. Within fleeing distance. It's twinned with the Overlook Hotel in Colorado.

Here ends my tour. If you've enjoyed it please sign the guestbook and the toilets are located in the information center by the man-made lake.