Thursday, June 5, 2014

Typist Wanted

For many years now I've been making a living as a screenwriter. However it's not a profession that gets much respect from the rest of the industry. Here's a recent example. I got an email from a young lady, a camera operator, who wanted to know if I would write a script for her.

It started off innocently enough with an email...

You'll need to click on these emails to expand them but I promise you it will be worth the effort.

I politely declined. My problem has always been that I'm too nice.  So hot on the heels of this email came another...

Frankly, I don't think I've ever had such an insulting email in my life.

So I send her a message explaining everything that was wrong with this email.

I thought this did a good job of educating this young lady on the error of her ways. It seems I was wrong...

This was followed quick smart by another email...

Am I taking crazy pills here? This person still seems to be trying to get me to "format" her script for her.

Can you spot what is missing from these emails? I did...

Yeah I'm a bit of a jerk here but enough was enough. Would it have killed her to say sorry?

It appears not...

Here in the New Zealand film industry this happens all-too often. Writers are never seen as making any kind of worthwhile contribution to the process, we're just a box to tick or a problem to overcome. Which is why our storytelling suffers.

I hope my pain has given you a few chuckles. I was laughing as I read these emails. Laughing though the tears. The bitter, bitter tears. 


  1. I love you Nick. For the record.

    1. I love you too Nick, but get your hands offa my woman, motherfucker

    2. Stu I have a simple solution to this problem and I can sum it up in two words - Nick and Sandwich.

  2. Cool helicopters/hot sex... what more could a NZ story require???... (cue: plot/drama/character)

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