When I'm driving I often find myself having conversations with other drivers. they can't hear me but it helps me cope with a huge numbers of pinheads out there who have, by some administrative error, a drivers license.
I thought I'd take this moment to share some of the one-sided conversations I have.
"Oh you accelerated and got to the red light before me. Shall we just wait here for the next five minutes?"
"You're overtaking me on the inside? I'm sorry I'm not going to let you in. I know this makes you angry but it pleases me."
"You're blocking the way to two petrol pumps while you buy cigarettes. That's just delightful."
"The lights turned red so you immediately hit the horn? I'm not in a hurry so I'll just take my time shall I?"
"You're driving right up my arse? That's my cue to slow down to a crawl."
"I'm guessing you don't know where you're going? Weaving back and forth around the road and braking inexplicably is really putting you in my good books."
"In my country we have certain crazy customs around driving. Maybe you should look them up."
"Look at you you got one car in front while we're stuck in rush hour traffic. Well done."
"Reversing out into traffic without looking? How's that working out for you?"
"Oh well I guess your organs will keep someone worthwhile alive in the long run."
"Congratulations you must be so proud."